The Mirror

The poems in this section, "The Mirror," all, for the most part, pertain to myself. This could be my personal struggles (ie: my mind), the way I was feeling at the moment, etc.


Exhaustion

The daily schedule is to again be nullified
"I hunger for more!" my mind cries
Stimuli are a caffeinated food for my mind
The immortal day and perpetual stimuli bind

Pseudo-hallucinations
Artificial image creations
Waves of epiphanies
On the rough perception seas

Today becomes tomorrow morning seamlessly
I delve into my haunted mind aimlessly
Time flies yet never lands
Over yesterday, my memory never pans

When a break in life occurs forcefully
As exhaustion conquers the body overwhelmingly
The mind revels in freedom from reality
Cerebral images instead of what the timid eye sees



Core of Memories

False memories and restored hope
Dreams come and leave residual blue-grey
Half the time it takes me to sleep,
I could make a giant leap

Forgotten memories and lost hope
Dreams restore these thoughts but don't change the likeliness of pain
Winter months have brought some early rain
Delighted, stationary, soon to be fading hope I now gain

Forgotten dreams give me memories
Ineffable plots my enemy mind weaves
A tour through yearly memory wars
Unstable heart and core of thought soars



Follower of Autumn

Follower of autumn
Is the follower of my fulfilled desires
Equal to all beings
Karma rests in my soul

I know it's an illusion
I hope I'm delusional
An unwritten conclusion
I will try not to be curious

Transient feelings, omnipresent
The winter falsely theoretically floods my shivering body
In the theory I've conceived; Coming after my hope is fulfilled
Scrupulous and erroneous



Have Fun Quickly

Presents of emotion resonate in my ear
Voices of freedom and joy I hear
Vacation from reverberating fear
A trip to the glorious, judge-free place is here

Wandering throughout the heedless night
With no ghouls of September's fright
I wait in the watery fresh dew grass
Brain teasers and busy work will not harass

...

The middle of the hour glass was too thick
Too quickly came down the candle's wick
You can't have joy without haste on Earth
The memories it makes are what gives it its worth



Sleeping Awake

I'm sleeping awake
Hallucinate, fail to feel, fail to see reality
Perceptual eyes, my mind denies
A thought abnormality
I see crimson lakes and violet skies

Tin foil mirrors to see my battered face
A laugh from a morning bird
My eyes burn as if sprayed with mace
These intruding thoughts are absurd

Makeup won't fix my issues
Covering my razor bitten face with white tissues
I scream as I feel comfortable in my bed
I close my eyes but all I see is red
I can't remember what my memories said
I lie tortured in my sweat soaked bed



I Was Walking

I was walking
Walking into a dream
Cold air, yet torturous steam
Around every corner was a brand new thought
Yet nothing new for which I have ever sought
Aching neck, vapid hours
My sleep, my dream devours

Tonight I stand
Stand up for myself
Wander into frontier, wander into wealth
Old friends are then remembered even though chose to be forgotten
False memories engraved in my head will soon be rancid and rotten

When I awoke, I spoke
Spoke to myself, for an action to invoke
Invoke mental vigilance
And nightly silence
This I miss



That Feeling

There was a feeling I had once as a child
A view into the soul of a young daughter
On a slow passenger boat, she danced with a joyful smile
Naive, mysterious, magical, haunting

Although never at will, I can emulate a feeling of such nature
Nostalgic and painful
Forgetting to breathe, wishful
Carefree times flushed away into the void of an idle mind

If I could be lost in that feeling once again
I'd try to remember every detail
To provoke, to welcome, to invite this feeling
It would give meaning to a stale life of which I live



Now Is Then

Cool breeze through my body
Colder breeze through my mind
Now my heart is left gray
Now my mind starts to decay

The white ashes of sacrificial timber lie wet and cold
In what was once "now"
Driving down the curvy road was bartered and sold

"Now" is why I now die in my ice age world
"Now" was once then but will rarely be again
"Now" is spring, "now" is summer
"Now" is autumn, "now" is winter

I want control... now... and forever
"Then" will be history of before right now



Unfamiliar Faces

Wandering along the dreams that make us sane
Wondering what the dreams mean and from where they came
Waiting to see... to see the unfamiliar faces
Wanting to meet the people who fill in the spaces

Forever can seem so instantaneous and haunting, but free
For you can see the faces unfamiliar to everybody but me
From my lethargy you see people nobody has met
Forgiving them as you sit down and watch the sun set

Time has not played part in the role you sleep through
Timber's embers glow in your mind as you think what you'll do
Today there lingers dissonance of the dreams you wander
Tomorrow there lies dreams you somehow squander

Playing with the bed sheets and blanket I look up
Pondering images of people forgotten as I drink from a cup
Pounding in my mind, the people seem to ask for something
Playing with my eyes or mind who knows what they bring

Here I am lying down not on the ground but my bed
Here I look from side to side wondering what the images said
Here floats my dreams and the cool air above
Here nothing and nobody parts me from the people I love



Crying

It has rained almost everyday for the past couple weeks
When it stops, the cypress tree begins to stop crying
Crying people crowd the wet highway
Highway so experienced, unforgiving, and heads north and south
The bed is relief and the bed is playful and kind
It can control your mind to make you stay
Stay far away and your mind aches as does your body
You didn't see that person in the picture frame before?
Picture frame in your fatigued brain, you must be insane
It begins to rain again and there is now lucidness in your mind
Cool off in the spring shower, let the bird sing for you
For it is you now crying in the pain you dealt
Take refuge in your bed to mend your aching head



Fear

The tides of tomorrow will wash away hope
Summer days add a layer of sweet sugar to a sour lemon
And with each breath I take
With each meal I make
The fear of loss lingers over my heavy head
The vicious circle of human behavior
And each time I'll pray
I'll remember to say
To bless every life on Earth
For life will become obsolete
And when I lie in my bed
I'll remember what Mr. Warhol said,
"Everybody has their 15 minutes of fame."
Does this make life worth living?
Humanity seems like a soiled quilt
One that centuries of hate built
And here I am, a cynic
Making my pessimistic mind bleed fear



Like Glass

I'm not opaque
That is, not as much as I think I am
People are sometimes what they hate
But I don't hate

A show, a performance
To everyone, trying to romance
I'm inside-out, ugly, and obvious
The judges act tame, but inside are vicious

The more one tries, the more transparent they become
The more one tries, it seems the more they try, must overcome
Don't try, but be
I am not them, but me

One can only be opaque by being careless and free of what they see in the mirror
In the mirror I see my pseudo-self, mind and body dysmorphic
I'm opaque to myself
But to others I am like glass



Midnight Child

I am the midnight child
Free of constraints of time
Limitations set only by my body
The mind never rests, it is evergreen
The daily winter and summer of I
They are just as different as the annual winter and summer of the Midwest

Dreams come and go but overlap
Inducing false memories and confusion
My dreams disguise themselves as reality
Until their integrity melts away like an ice cube on a mild day
Life never ceases and never becomes dull
No limitations, the days are undefined

The day is forever
Sleep is my winter
Though dreams can be my summer
And conscious my winter
A subjective view on my life
I am the midnight child



Exasperated

I have complete control in my realm
Omnipotent and optimistic
Confident and proud
I am the most desired

I don't fear as I am indestructible
A bullet to my head
My vision turns red
Yet I am not dead
I am stronger
I am clairvoyant
Glorious and bestowed with universal passion for me
High on my power
Which then swallows me, and I collapse on myself like a huge star
I am now awake
I am now exasperated



The Muse

Te be a creator
To harness the power of thought
Vivid lucid dreams
Powerful gathering, gathering in a circle

Instant gratification, yet sought after in thought
Linguistics manipulation and ideas for which I have sought
I agree, I agree
To disagree would still be me

Compulsive collecting
Shared theories on everything
Gather 'round my family and friends
For this is where the elaborate journey begins



I, The Chameleon

I am a chameleon
Blending in to avoid judging predators
Unnecessary
But comfort zones in which I hide,
Is where I stockpile my egocentric pride

I am a chameleon
Blending in to make some friends
Necessary
Faulty, the friends I see,
Are not the ones for me

I am a chameleon
Blending in to ambush prey
Frivolous
Feeling better and superior
By falsely making prey feel inferior

I am flawed
Yet I have changed
I am no longer the chameleon
The path to my joy has been rearranged



Mass Confusion

Vivid dreams plague me
Wake up to mass confusion
Flooded by the crimson sea
Sigh, it was just an illusion

Dreams merged with reality
Dreams causing my eyes to stay shut
Dreams flooded by the crimson sea
Eyes into I feverishly cut

Where is the honored now?
Where is the sunlight?
Disappearing somehow
The day's emotions not so bright



Journey Through My Fears

Across the crimson sea I sail
To find my way back home
I meet Siren it starts to hail
We will meet again
I visualize a blue moon
Mocking the summer sky
Nothing like that may come so soon
Journey through my fears
Sugar coated onion you see
Cover your timid eyes
Examples of what not to be
Follow the path of all
Coldest nights left behind all you
What a waste of sand
I'm waiting for an ethics coup
Irony is on my side

Through my fears... I face even myself
Worried and pathetic and for what?
Through my fears... I face controversy
The book falls and the closet door is shut

Back home I sort through my mail
Lucid dreams obscured
Between toes grows a rusty nail
Ambiguous fears
Opaque glass shows me the right way
Smiling joker man
It figures what I have to say
Buried once again

Only those who know what will occur
Born and raised with our thoughts
May dismiss fate and change the future
Decide based on yourself



Taciturnity

A loss of words on the moon
Taciturnity is the jump, there, in contrast to here
Impossible to land in the same place
For exactness only occurs in our thoughts
Thoughts of sleeping hope
Filled with wonderful hope

Pointing the way without a finger
The lit path leads to nowhere
Each dark road has many red lights
Each dark road has many potholes
And the destination is unknown
I'm not thirsty all the time

Seeing the gesture during the eclipse
Hearing the sound of taciturnity
Whisper the words of the restless
Wallow in the fallacies of tranquility
Waiting to see what will be jagged
Wakening silence, sleepy noise